Take one freshly packed festival fan
carrying a handful of wholesome oatcakes labelled “good intentions”.
Place in the sun to ripen
and baste regularly with warm lager for a couple of hours.
Remove from the heat when pink
and set aside to cool rapidly in cold cider.
Next, add nachos, chilli and chips
and stir gently with a little more of the cider.
Reserve two tablespoons of the mixture to pat flat
and layer decoratively, in portions, across the arena.
Next, mix cider and lager together with Jagermeister
and compliment with several hot sugared donuts.
Allow to simmer in the heat once again before placing with
three ready-made festival fans gently smoked in something wacky.
Next add spit roast chicken, noodles, a couple of sausages,
one giant Yorkshire pud with gravy and a further portion of chips,
taking care to spread some sun lotion onto any burnt areas, if not already done so.
Loosen the mixture with a large slug of lager, setting aside the cup to use for emergencies if the crowd becomes too thick.
Then, take all four fans and blend vigorously for about an hour.
Cool again in evening rain and white wine
and allow to marinade for six hours or overnight.
Garnish with a handful of crumbled wholesome oatcakes labelled “good intentions”.
© Anna Ghislena